20 Years

April has been a lot. I had another seizure two weeks ago. Yes, another one. That's the second one in about 7 months. Prior to this most recent seizure, I'd already decided to change neurologists and made an appointment with an epileptologist. An epileptologist is a neurologist who specializes in treating epilepsy and seizure disorders. Unfortunately, the earliest appointment I could make was for January 2027. And yes, I'm on the waiting list. 

This spring makes 20 years since my first seizure. 20 years since I was "pulled into the unknown without [my] permission".* 

___

In 2006, smack dab in the middle of an important job interview, I “zoned out”, and the next thing I knew, EMS was in the interview room with me trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

You see, in the middle of that job interview, my words stopped making sense, I grabbed my purse, pulled pictures of my niece and nephew out of my wallet, spread those pictures out on the table, and started showing them to my interviewers. Well, at least, that’s what the interviewers told me. You see, I don't remember any of that. Nothing at all.

Up until that day, my only understanding of a seizure was that it caused people to fall on the floor, writhe, and bite their tongues, but I was so wrong. So incredibly wrong.

On that lovely spring day in 2006, my life changed in a way that both pissed me off and terrified me. The 'naming' took several months, various doctor visits, and way too many medical tests, but I was eventually diagnosed as having complex/partial seizures originating from the hippocampus in my left temporal lobe.

It's now been 20 years since my first seizure and nearly 13 years since I had brain surgery to remove a portion of my left hippocampus. There have been good time, bad times, and lots of in-betweem times.

Hopefully, I'll be able to see the epileptologist prior to January because it sure does seem like I'm starting to have seizures more frequently than I was for several years after my brain surgery. Or, maybe my brain just doesn't like April because a friend reminded me recently that I've also had seizures during April the past two years.

Hmm...I wonder what that's all about. If I only had a brain perhaps I could figure it all out....

*Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie. “For When You Need a Second to Think  It Over” in The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days. (New York: Convergent Books, 2023). 94-95.

Lent

I'm 57 but didn't actually start practicing Lent until I was 55. You see, I wasn't raised in churches that practiced Lent, and then I left the church for about 20 years, so I didn't practice anything churchy for a couple of decades. 

Since I've written about my spiritual journey in previous posts, I won't go into all of that now, but to make a long story short, I've only been practicing Lent for 3 years. 

What is Lent?   "...the 40-day Lenten season begins with Ash Wednesday – it ends on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. The word Lent comes from the Anglo Saxon lencten, meaning spring. Lent is traditionally a time for repentance, self-reflection, and recalibrating ourselves spiritually. It is a time when we practice spiritual disciplines in an intentional and concerted effort to grow closer to God in our faith."

Probably because I entered Lent a little late in the game of life, I wasn't fully aware of all of the logistics, but somehow, I learned that you could choose to give up something AND/OR choose to do something to help you grow spiritually during the Lenten season, so for Lent 2024, I chose to do a spiritual reading each day. Looking back, I picked a pretty deep book, and I still don't think I've ever made it all the way through that book. 

For last year's Lent (2025), I commited to going to church every Sunday during Lent AND to reading a daily devotional which usually included a written response. I definitely think that last year's Lent had a positive effect on me because, since then, I've actually joined the church. Prior to last year, I hadn't been a member of a church in many, many years, so even though joining a church might not mean much to some people, it's significant to me.

For Lent this year, I decided to do a partial Digital Detox and give up playing games on my phone (and all other electronic devices) during the Lenten season. Why? I'd been noticing that I was spending an excessive amount of time playing games on my phone: Wordle, Connections, Strands, Bingo, Block Puzzle, and varieties of Solitaire. Therefore, I decided that for Lent, I would try to spend time reading books that might help me grow spiritually instead of wasting so much time playing games on my phone. 

During this 2026 Lenten season, I've been reading Faith After Doubt: Why Your Beliefs Stopped Working and What to Do About It by Brian D. McLaren, Liturgies for Resisting the Empire by Kat Armas, and God Didn't Make Us to Hate Us: 40 Devotions to Liberate Your Faith from Fear and Reconnect with Joy by Rev. Lizzie McManus-Dail. I have The Bible Tells Me So...Why Defending Scripture Has Made Us Unable to Read It by Peter Enns on Audio and have started listening to it more than once, but I'm realizing that I do better with hard copies, so I can hold them, mark them up, highlight them, slow the reading down, etc.

So, how has Lent 2026 been for me? Well, I'd say I'm definitely reading more than I was, and I highly recommend these books! I'll, also, admit that it's still tough when I'm in the car to not be able to pull out my phone and waste some time playing Solitaire. (I'm just trying to be honest!)  However, a friend told me on Saturday that Sundays are free days during Lent, so I gave myself permission to play Block Puzzle while watching tv last night. I do have to be honest those games are addictive. As a result, I've, also, realized that I probably need to monitor my game time ALL the time...not just during Lent. My name is Vicki, and I'm a Wordle-a holic.

If you've been practicing Lent, I hope it's been meaningful. If you don't practice Lent, I hope you've been enjoying your days, as well. May we all grow into love for one another. 

Don't Be Fooled

My grandfather was a pilot in WW2. I have family and lots of friends who've served our country, and I am very thankful for the military. 

Yes, I protest against this war, but I am not protesting against the people who serve in the military. To be honest, I am quite concerned that the lives of our military soldiers are being endangered along with the lives of so many innocent Iranians. According to abcnews.com, officials in Iran claimed that students at an Iranian all-girls elementary school were among those killed during the U.S. and Israeli military strikes this morning. War always harms the innocent much more than it harms those who decided to start the war. Always.

In a magic show, a magician will do something "splashy" to get the audience to look where the magician wants them to look, so the magician can make what the audience had been looking at "go away". In other words, if a person wants you to stop paying attention to something important, they might do something "splashy" so you'll look over at the "splashy event" and stop focusing on what they don't want you to pay attention to. I know...that's a lot, but it sure seems like lots of "splashy" things have either occured or come back up lately: 

• ICE
• Tariffs
• Venezuala 
• Greenland
• Board of Peace
• an unusual Supreme Court decision 
• UFO Files
• and now this...War. 

I wonder what this administration might want us to stop paying attention to?
Oh, that's right, the Epstein Files!! However, WE WILL NOT stop paying attention to them. Yes, there are lots of crisis occuring, but that doesn't mean that we are going to stop paying attention to the Epstein Files.  

We will not forget. 

We cannot forget. 

We will not be fooled. 

For Such a Time As This

If you grew up in Sunday School like I did, you've probably heard of Queen Esther. 

Queen Esther was enjoying living her palace life, but things started to change. Esther’s older cousin, Mordecai, made an enemy out of the king’s right-hand man, Haman, so Haman decided to exterminate Mordecai and all of the other Jewish people in the kingdom. Mordecai was living in fear and told Esther that she had to go talk to her husband, the king, in order to prevent the massacre from occuring.

Esther struggled with what to do because she was risking angering her hubby if she went to see him without being invited. Esther was very aware that when his previous wife angered him by doing the same exact thing… that queen had been banished!  While Esther was contemplating her decision, Mordecai was very honest with her about her future: 

“...Do not think that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father's family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this.” Esther 4:13-14

“The Book of Esther begins by portraying Esther as beautiful and obedient, though a relatively passive figure. Throughout the story, she evolves into a character who takes a decisive role in her own future and that of her people.” 1

Queen Esther evolved from being a relatively passive figure who didn't seem to be in danger since she was living in the palace and was married to the king. She evolved into Valiant Esther who refused to stay silent. She was willing to rise up, willing to intervene, and willing to intercede for the deliverance of the Jews during that time in history...during just such a time as that.

In our country, we are once again living in a time when groups of people are living in fear and are in need of relief and deliverance. People are rising up to intervene and intercede on behalf of others. Many other people want to rise up, intervene, and intercede, but they are struggling because they don’t like to have to risk angering others with uncomfortable conversations. They aren't sure about making phone calls to politicians. They're afraid that something might happen if they go to a protest or a march. Plus, our country is becoming very aware that the current government is angry with those of us who are standing up and speaking out. Concerns are rising up about what the future holds.  

It can be scary at first; however, it gets easier each time you make a phone call, each time you protest, each time you march. Each time you intervene. Each time you intercede. It gets easier.

My own personal encouragement to speak up and speak out is based on Esther 4:13-14: Do not think that just because you live in North Texas and you’re a middle-class white woman that you will escape any more than all the others…Who knows? Perhaps you have come to this space…for just such a time as this.

First They Came

By Pastor Martin Niemoller

First they came for the Communists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me

And there was no one left

To speak out for me

1 (Coogan, Michael David; Brettler, Marc Zvi; Newsom, Carol Ann; Perkins, Pheme (2007). The New Oxford Annotated Bible. Oxford University Press. ISBN 978-0-19528880-3.)

Where Are You?

It's so easy to go through an entire day and never take the time to stop and focus on something deeper, something...soulful, so I'm trying to start off the new year by doing better about that.

I’ve started reading a daily devotional series from my church. This includes daily scripture readings with a key phrase, a reflection, and a couple of questions.

Today’s key phrase definitely caught my attention: "Where are you?" from Genesis 3:9.

Definitely the question of the year for me.

Definitely made me think.

• Where am I? 
• Where am I with myself? 
• Where am I with others? 
• Where am I with God? 
• Where am I in life?

Definitely a question to ponder as you start a new year: Where are you?

• Are you where you want to be?
• Do you want to change anything this year?
• Do you honestly NEED to change anything this year?

Hopefully, there are things that you want to keep the same this year. 

Hopefully, you are going to be true to yourself this year. If you're like me, it's second-nature to want to be a people-pleaser, but the older that I get the more I realize that authenticity is one of the most important things that I can do for myself.

However, is there anything that you actually DO need to change this year?

• Do you need to work on rebuilding relationships that you've allowed to weaken?
• Do you need to work on improving your health?
• Do you need to work more on the whole God-thing…whatever that might be for you?
• Do you need to stand up for people/places/things that you feel are being mistreated?
• Do you need to make personal decisions that might cause some major changes in your life?

Where are YOU right now?