I used to love going to church! My parents tell me that my brother and I were christened Methodist, but the first church that I remember was First Baptist Church in Arlington, and when we moved to Brownwood, so did our church membership.
When I was 15, my family started attending a charismatic church which had a focus on prosperity theology. It was definitely a different type of church (when people started dancing in the service, it scared me), but everybody was very nice. Plus, there were lots of fun activities: youth group, church camp, mission trips…you name it! It was a great church!
Until it wasn’t.
My home church went from being a second home to being a place that no longer felt safe. It went from being a place which I thought taught the truth to being a place which I felt had lied to me. It went from being a place that felt like a loving family to being a place where people yelled and screamed and hurt each other.
Yes, I was raised in church, but in my mid-twenties, I left.
It’s been 30 years since I walked out of that church. Since then, I've had the opportunity to deconstruct my faith and spend many hours in therapy. I've even found a healthy church to attend. Yes, they do exist! So, a lot has changed in my life. I have many stories to tell - maybe on another day. But, I know what it’s like to be hurt by the church...by the people you trust. I know what it’s like when a place that used to feel safe, no longer feels safe. I know what it's like when you aren't sure who or what to believe anymore.
I know what it’s like when it all falls apart.
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Church trauma is real. Thankful you left and have found your way home.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Me, too.
DeleteGrateful you found a loving church home
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteThe hurts suffered by the hands of Church members seem to hurt the most! We are so surprised to be hurt in that manner, to me it seems to hurt so much! I'm so happy you have found a loving Church home now!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteThe hypocrisy of some members and even the minister at a long ago church in Pennsylvania made me question everyone's motives ever since. And unlike you, I haven't gone to another church again. Instead I've learned to trust my own instincts both in reading people and in determining a moral reaction to ethical questions.
ReplyDeleteI understand. It took me a long time to consider going back to church again. Continue trusting your instinct. Take care.
DeleteI’ve experienced the same. Sounds like I walked the American path as you. I went from God is love to hell fire brimstone w life filled w dos and donts as people judges. I left a marriage filled w spiritual blackmail. Again I’m free and find again that truly God is love
ReplyDeleteIt's a nightmare that's hard to explain. So glad that you are now free. You're right. God is love.
DeleteHere’s a story of a man named ……… ! Remember our songs we made up at the first split? I’m
ReplyDeleteSo glad I had you and Tessa and the guys to make it all ok to deal with but yeah- it’s so hard and it negatively affected my faith forever. Even now.
Such hard times. I'm so glad that we had one another. So much damage.
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