How to Be an Ally

I grew up in conservative churches, so I’m not sure how I turned out to be an Ally for the LGBTQ+ or LGBTQIA2S+ community, but I’ve always believed that everyone is worthy. Back in the ‘80s, a dear friend told me that she was gay and had a girlfriend. We were both teens, and my friend was worried that telling me that she was gay would ruin our friendship. I was surprised that it would even be an issue because we had been friends for years. I remember telling her that it was between her and God, and that if God was ok with it, so was I. She seemed so relieved, and we sat and talked for a long time that evening. Looking back, I realize how hard it must have been for her to be honest with anyone back then. To this day, she is still one of my dear friends.

That was way back in the '80s, but now that it’s the 21st century, there’s a definition for a person like me. I’m a straight Ally for the LGBTQ+ community. A straight ally, heterosexual ally, cisgender ally, or cis ally (often simply called an ally) is a heterosexual and cisgender person who actively supports and advocates for equal civil rights, gender equality, and LGBTQ+ social movements. This support goes beyond just accepting or tolerating LGBTQ+ people; it involves taking action to create a more inclusive and equitable world for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Being an Ally isn’t always easy and may involve facing challenges, but it's a critical component in the ongoing effort to achieve full equality and inclusion for the LGBTQIA2S+ community. 

According to the HRC website, these are helpful ways to support the LGBTQ+ people in your life :

When socializing with straight, cisgender friends and family

• Create social settings that bring your straight, cisgender and LGBTQ+ friends and family together.

• Find opportunities to talk openly with your straight and/or cisgender friends about your LGBTQ+ friends and family and the issues they face.

• Casually mention a news item about an LGBTQ+ issue in a positive way.

• Mention other LGBTQ+ friends or family you might have in open conversations.

When socializing with LGBTQ+ friend and family

• Talk openly and honestly with your LGBTQ+ loved ones about their lives.

• Make sure that you include the partners of your LGBTQ+ loved ones in events and activities, just as you would any other friend’s spouse or significant other.

• Attend pride celebrations and other LGBTQ+ community events.

• Suggest a get-together to watch a movie or show with LGBTQ+ topics or characters.

At work

• Add your pronouns to your email signature or share your pronouns when introducing yourself to new friends or colleagues. For guidance on using pronouns, view HRC’s Pronouns 101 resource.

• If you hear an anti-LGBTQ+ comment or joke, speak up and explain why such comments or jokes are harmful and offensive.

• Integrate inclusive language into your regular conversations, professional interactions and/or spiritual life.

• Put a supportive symbol or sign in your office or home, or on your vehicle. For example, you could wear an LGBTQ+ ally button, add a rainbow sticker on your name badge at work, or put the Human Rights Campaign equal sign sticker on your car.

On your own

• Read an LGBTQ+ publication.

• Post a message in support of LGBTQ+ issues on social media.

• Get involved with pro-LGBTQ+ groups and campaigns and contact your elected officials about LGBTQ+ rights.

• Join pro-LGBTQ+ causes or groups on social media and through other social networking opportunities.

• Visit the website for PFLAG (formerly known as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), a national organization that unites parents, families and allies with people who are LGBTQ+. You can go to pflag.org for information on local meetings and PFLAG public education programs across the country.

• Stand up for LGBTQ+ issues in every aspect of your life — even if there are no LGBTQ+ people there to watch.

It’s been nearly 40 years since someone first came out to me. As a career educator, I worked 31 years with young people. I’ve seen people be kind and people be cruel. I’ve seen parents love and accept their kids when they came out to them. Those parents might have been confused or worried, but they knew that they loved their child more than they loved anyone or anything else. I’ve also seen parents kick their child out when that child came out to them. Unfortunately, those were usually the so-called “Christian” parents. I’ve seen schools do their very best to take care of all students. I’ve seen schools work hard to keep all kids safe. I’ve seen teachers, counselors, and administrators cry over their students. I do believe that students recognize the adults who are on their side. Those are the adults that students tend to go to when they need to be honest and share something important. Those are the adults who often become the student’s first Ally. I’m now a retired school counselor, but I’ll never retire from being an Ally for the LGBTQ+ community.

June is Pride month: an observation of LGBTQ+ culture through celebration and protest.

Speak on Behalf of Others

In Southern Baptist Sunday School, we memorized LOTS of Bible verses, so I briefly knew lots of verses growing up. However, I’d never read the entire Bible - all the books, all the verses - until recently when I took a class at church.   

As I read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, I kept seeing verses that said to take care of the poor, the sick, the needy, etc. It surprised me how many verses focused on that message: take care of the marginalized. I just don’t remember memorizing those verses in Sunday School.

Taking care of others is one of the most repetitive messages in the Bible:

• If among you, one of your brothers should become poor, in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother.  Deuteronomy 15:7 

• For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, “You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.” Deuteronomy 15:11 

• The wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives. Psalm 37:21 

• Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor. Proverbs 14:21 

• Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. Proverbs 14:31 

• Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed. Proverbs 19:17

• The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor. Proverbs 22:9 

• Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty. Proverbs 22:16 

• You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.  2 Corinthians 9:11 

• Only, they asked us to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do. Galatians 2:10 

• Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Ephesians 4:28 

• They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share. 1 Timothy 6:18 

• What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. James 2:14-17 

We are definitely expected to take care of the less fortunate. Jesus spent a lot of time focusing on the marginalized: the poor, the sick and disabled, women, outcasts, foreigners, and others. We need to advocate for the marginalized. 

Here's a quick AI lesson: When someone or a group of people is marginalized, they are treated as less important or are pushed to the edge of society, limiting their opportunities and access to resources. This often happens due to factors like race, gender, socioeconomic status, or disability. They may face discrimination, exclusion from full participation in society, and unequal treatment, hindering their ability to thrive. Examples of marginalized groups: This can include racial and ethnic minorities, women, LGBTQ+ individuals, people with disabilities, low-income individuals, and immigrants, among others. 

As a retired school counselor, I’ve always had a heart for the marginalized, but since I left the church in my 20s, and even though I found a healthy church to attend a few years ago, I didn't read the entire Bible until recently. I guess that's why it really did shock me to see so many verses with the same message: care for those in need. It encouraged me to discover that my beliefs about how to treat the marginalized lined up with biblical expectations. It became quite apparent that ignoring and/or shaming the marginalized is not supposed to be promoted or accepted.

A few months ago, I participated in Mega Marcha 2025 for Bipartisan Immigration Reform in downtown Dallas. Two weeks ago, I called politicians regarding HB2 and the Affordable Care Act. Last weekend, I protested along with many others regarding our current administration. This weekend, I called my Texas Representative and my Texas Senator and told them to vote NO on SB10 and SB12 and explained why they aren't in the best interest of Texans.

• As a woman, I’m concerned.

• As a retired educator, I’m concerned.

• As an Ally, I’m concerned.

• As a Texan, I'm concerned.

• As an American, I’m concerned.

• As a human, I’m concerned.

Why do I bother? I'll confess that I'm one of the fortunate ones: a retired, middle-class, middle-aged, cisgender, straight, white woman who was born in this country.  So that is why I MUST bother! Those of us who are fortunate, need to stand up for those who are not. We need to advocate for the marginalized.

We need to speak up - when we can. We need to shout out - if we must.

• I march because I’m fortunate.
• I protest because I’m fortunate.
• I call my state and national politicians because I'm fortunate.

I feel like it’s my responsibility to speak on behalf of those who are poor, those who are jobless, those who are homeless, those who seek safety for themselves and their children, and for all those who are marginalized. 

Love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:31

5 Phone Calls

Politics can seem confusing and overwhelming; it's easy to not know exactly what to do. It's easy to want to give up and ignore it all. Instead, I made 5 phone calls about topics that are important to me. Why? My friend, Kat, has Howdy Politics on Instagram, FB, Substack, Threads, TikTok, and Bluesky. Her goal is to keep "Everyday Texans" informed and active regarding politics. She helps us understand what's actually going on in politics, what to focus on, and what actions we can take.

Recently, Howdy Politics made it clear that there was an immediate action to take:

HB 2 has to do with the basic financial allotment per public school student. If HB 2 isn’t passed as it was written by the House, public schools are likely to continue dealing with severe financial strains, potentially leading to:

• even more budget cuts,
• lower teacher salaries
• limited resources for students, including students with special needs.

The specific impacts would depend on the extent of the funding shortfall, but the HB2 provisions for increased per-student funding and teacher pay raises would not be implemented. 

Therefore, I called my two state senators using this script:

 “Hello, my name is _____and I’m a constituent in zip code_______. I’m calling to urge my Senator to reject the committee substitute for HB2 and instead request its passage as written and passed by the House. Thank you.“ 

During both phone calls, I made sure to be kind and thank the office person who answered the phone because I figured that they were having a long day. Plus, as a retired educator, I remember how much I appreciated parents being kind when they called me to discuss concerns.

***

I called three more politicians. They were at the US Capitol and the topics had to do with the Affordable Care Act and  Enhanced Premium Tax Credits

Each time that I called the US Capitol switchboard (#202-224-3121) and asked to be transferred to one of my Senators’ individual offices or to my Representative's individual office, I left them a personal message using this script:

“Hi, my name is [Your Name], and I’m a constituent from [Your City, State]. I’m calling to strongly urge [Senator/Representative Name] to vote NO on any bill that would weaken the Affordable Care Act. Specifically, I oppose the expiration of enhanced premium tax credits, the proposed Marketplace Integrity and Affordability Rule and any changes that would reduce Medicaid coverage. According to the CBO these changes could leave up to 13.7 million Americans uninsured by 2034. Please protect affordable health care access for all Americans. Thank you.”

***

Those phone calls were well worth my time. At least I can say that I'm trying to do something. To be honest, I really dreaded making the phone calls, but after the first one, it was pretty easy because I had written out and knew what I was going to say. Plus, the office people really seemed to be surprised when I was kind and thanked them for taking the time to talk with me and for working so hard. In fact, they seemed relieved. I figure if nothing else, they will know that not all who disagree are hateful. If we’re going to get people’s attention, we need to let them know that we’re not monsters.

***

Please consider contacting your senators/representatives for yourself, your children, your parents, grandparents, friends, your community, etc.

These are the links you can use to find your state and national senators and representatives: 

 https://wrm.capitol.texas.gov/home

https://www.congress.gov/members/find-your-member

A Trustworthy Path

I was raised in church but walked out in my mid-20s when my home church no longer felt safe. A year later, I moved from Central Texas to North Texas, started therapy, learned that my intuition might actually be reliable, and gave myself a much needed rest from religion.

A couple of years later, confusion, doubt, anger, and grief transitioned into a season of seeking. I was desperate to find out if there was any truth in Christianity or if everything that I’d been taught was a lie.

I searched the Religion and Christianity section of Barnes and Noble, and a title caught my eye: The God We Never Knew by Marcus Borg. Intrigued, I purchased it along with Borg’s Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time and became immersed in Borg’s writing. I couldn’t believe what I was reading! Others thought and felt as I did?! In fact, many of my ideas weren’t even new! 

An insatiable need to know more engulfed me. In addition to other Borg books, I read books by John Dominic Crossan, Bishop John Shelby Spong (one of my faves to this day), Neale Donald Walsch, C. David Grant, Bertrand Russell, Walter Wink, Roberta Bondi, Robert Funk, and others. I was both amazed and relieved that the words they wrote were, at times, nearly identical with my own thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I began to feel a renewed sense of confidence in my own intuition and a growing interest in learning about the history of Christianity. I attended a Jesus Seminar and even engaged in an email dialogue with Marcus Borg in April 2000. I wrote a letter to Bishop John Shelby Spong, and he wrote me back. I still have Borg’s emails and the handwritten letter that Bishop Spong sent me.

I learned a lot during that season because in addition to studying Christianity, Christian History, and World Religions, I joined a local Unitarian Universalist church because they honor all religions and all people. However, the UU church wasn't the fit that I was seeking, and I eventually just stopped going.

A few years later, I started fostering a 4th grader who wanted to go to church, so I took her to a nearby United Church of Christ because I felt that it would be a safe church for both of us. My foster daughter was able to get very involved in the church and she loved it. But, once she moved back to her mom’s house, I stopped attending.  

When I was in my mid-40's, I decided to try church once again. Since I was baptized United Methodist when I was young, I decided to check out a nearby UMC. I really liked it, so I kept going and found a Sunday School that I loved. I was even a front door greeter. Even though, I never actually joined, I thought that I had finally found my church!

But in 2019, I started hearing about a controversy within the UMC with regards to LGBTQ+ clergy. 

• As a school counselor who worked with LGBTQ+ students, I was immediately concerned. 

• As a critical thinker who believes that if God truly loves all then All Means All, I was immediately concerned. 

• As an Ally, I was immediately concerned. 

As a counselor, a critical thinker, and an Ally, I couldn’t attend a church whose denomination didn't fully honor LGBTQ+ clergy. I didn’t feel like I could be a greeter at the front door of my church anymore. It broke my heart, but I couldn’t stay. I just couldn’t. I felt like it would be too hypocritical to work with the LGBTQ+ community as a counselor and stand up for them as an Ally and then be part of a denomination that didn’t honor the LGBTQ+ clergy. 

Instead, I returned to the UU church that I'd been a member of many years earlier. From 2019-2024, I was part of a UU Women’s Journey Small Group. The UU Women’s Journey Small Groups are amazing, and I’m so glad that I was a part of them during those years. 

In 2022, I heard about Pub Theology and decided to check it out. Pub Theology is a monthly event held at a local pub. Officially, it’s “a space for open, honest, and meaningful conversations about faith, life, and everything in between. We believe that good questions are more important than easy answers and that deep conversations often happen best with a good drink in hand—whether that’s a pint, a cup of coffee, or sparkling water...Rooted in a Wesleyan perspective, we value grace, dialogue, and the belief that God is at work in the questions we ask and the relationships we build. Here, we encourage respectful engagement across theological perspectives, honest wrestling with scripture, and a commitment to seeing God at work in unexpected places…Whether you’re a lifelong believer, a skeptic, or somewhere in between, there’s a seat for you at the table. Pull up a chair and let’s talk!”

Pub Theology was a great evening with a group of people who weren’t afraid to discuss the big questions, and I loved that! It was sponsored by a nearby United Methodist Church - which at first concerned me because the UM denomination was still dealing with controversy re: LGBTQ+ clergy. However, the church that sponsored Pub Theology had made it quite clear that it was going to stand on the side of the LGBTQ+ clergy. I was impressed.

The more I learned, the more I realized that this might be the church that I had been looking for - a Christian church that actually allowed people with liberal belief systems to speak their minds and not be shamed or criticized for it. It even offered a class titled: From Deconstruction to Reconstruction which is a rather popular concept in this day and age. According to AI, deconstruction and reconstruction in Christianity refers to a process where individuals re-evaluate and often challenge previously held beliefs about their faith, leading to a re-imagining or rebuilding of their spiritual understanding.

I immediately signed up for that class! 

Keep in mind that I was still attending my UU Women’s Journey Small Group because those women were dear to me; however, this particular UMC was providing opportunities, answering questions, and connecting me to people with similar spiritual belief systems; several had even gone through church trauma and understood what that was like. For awhile, I jokingly referred to myself as bi-churchy because I was still going to the UU Women's Journey twice a month, and I was going to lots of UMC classes, events, and services the rest of the time! 

For about a year now, I've considered Grace Avenue as my home church, and I'm committed to several groups. Most importantly, I’m continuing to deconstruct in order to keep reconstructing and healing from church trauma. This past Sunday, I made it official and joined the church. I’m finally a member of Grace Avenue UMC. Talk about a full circle because I was baptized United Methodist as a toddler, and now I’m a member of the United Methodist Church as an adult. 

When I was 4 or 5 years old, I drew a picture of God on the chalkboard on the wall outside my bedroom. I’m now 56, and my spiritual journey is far from complete, but I do think I’m on a trustworthy path. I don’t think I could draw a picture of God today, but I know this much to be true: my intuition points toward God. God is Love. God is Peace. God loves All. All means All.